ACTUAL CALL CENTER CONVERSATIONS!!!!!

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Customer: “I’ve been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries , can you help?”.
Operator: “Where did you get that number from , sir?”.
Customer: “It was on the door to the Travel Centre”.
Operator: “Sir , they are our opening hours”.
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: “Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?”
Operator: “I’m sorry , sir , I don’t understand who you are talking about”.
Caller: “On page 1 , section 5 , of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now , can you give me the number for Jack?”
Operator: “I think you mean the telephone point on the wall”.
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: “Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?”
Operator: “Doesn’t the product name give you a clue?”
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
“If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?”
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: “I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please”.
Operator: “I’m sorry , there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?”
Caller: “Well , it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off”.
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: “Woven? Are you sure?”
Caller: “Yes. That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland”.
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On another occasion , a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
“I haven’t got a pen , so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on”.
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Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop”.
Customer: “OK”.
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”.
Customer: “No”.
Tech Support: “OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No”.
Tech Support: “OK , sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”.
Customer: “Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’”.
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Tech Support: “OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen , can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
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Caller: “I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?”.
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There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted , not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline , which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however , he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for “Termination without Cause”.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: “Ridge Hall , computer assistance; may I help you?”
Caller: “Yes , well , I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
Operator: “What sort of trouble??”
Caller: “Well , I was just typing along , and all of a sudden the words went away.”
Operator: “Went away?”
Caller: “They disappeared.”
Operator: “Hmm So what does your screen look like now?”
Caller: “Nothing.”
Operator: “Nothing??”
Caller: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
Operator: “Are you still in WordPerfect , or did you get out??”
Caller: “How do I tell?”
Operator: “Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??”
Caller: “What’s a sea-prompt?”
Operator: “Never mind , can you move your cursor around the screen?”
Caller: “There isn’t any cursor: I told you , it won’t accept anything I type.”
Operator: “Does your monitor have a power indicator??”
Caller: “What’s a monitor?”
Operator: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??”
Caller: “I don’t know.”
Operator: “Well , then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??”
Caller: “Yes , I think so.”
Operator: “Great. Follow the cord to the plug , and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: “Yes , it is.”
Operator: “When you were behind the monitor , did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it , not just one??”
Caller: “No.”
Operator: “Well , there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
Caller: “Okay , here it is.”
Operator: “Follow it for me , and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
Caller: “I can’t reach.”
Operator: “Uh huh. Well , can you see if it is??”
Caller: “No.”
Operator: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??”
Caller: “Oh , it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.”
Operator: “Dark??”
Caller: “Yes – the office light is off , and the only light I have is coming in from the window.” Operator: “Well , turn on the office light then.”
Caller: “I can’t.”
Operator: “No? Why not??”
Caller: “Because there’s a power failure.”
Operator: “A power……… A power failure? Aha , Okay , we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??”
Caller: “Well , yes , I keep them in the closet.”
Operator: “Good. Go get them , and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
Caller: “Really? Is it that bad?”
Operator: “Yes , I’m afraid it is.”
Caller: “Well , all right then , I suppose. What do I tell them??”
Operator: “Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer!!!!!”